All I heard was "You have cancer..."

On June 16th, 2010 all I remember is the words "you have cancer..." and nothing else.

April and May of 2010 have been challenging ones. Kind of nice as it helped keep the focus off of me and my pending results of numerous tests I have been going through. Having farm animals and some times sick animals, you try your damn est to keep them healthy, alive. Your emotions are shattered when you loose one of your precious animals because you feel you needed to do more. But I think things happen for a reason and this past couple of months has helped me focus on the day to day challenges and not the pending future until June 16th when that was all I heard.

Thank goodness my husband did not listen to me once again...thank goodness. I was getting my results from a biopsy and told him I was OK and that he did not need to attend this appointment with me. When I got to the doctor's office, he greeted me and held my hand.

As we waited for the doctor to call me in, I chatted about the mornings events, who pooped, who had a messy pen, how the baby took his full bottle, how this sick mom looked better today, how the cat made me laugh, all because I did not have a clue what was about to unfold. I am invincible...

In Dr. Belfond's office (a new Dr. for us, and I am really liking him) and plopped myself on a chair waiting to hear the results were good and that I could go home. I had premeditated that I was going to give him a HUGE hug and say Schanks Doc. Not so.....

Once at home I had to ask Garth what was said as I could not remember. The hardest part was calling loved ones...calling people who loved me and letting them know what the doctor said..."you have cancer......". I just could not do this.

My strong husband was the one who made the calls. As I listened to him and by his positive tone I fully believed I would be cured the next day. My energy was draining, my head was hurting and all I could try to think about was the sick mom I had waiting in the barn and her baby I had to bottle feed. What a god send to have something else to concentrate on. A delight to see all the faces in the barn light up when we walked thru the barn yard gates.

That night of June16th an abundance of love and support filled our home. It was the most powerful night, the most positive energy that has ever filled our house. It was amazing. The phone began to ring, friends dropped in, neighbors brought some dinner for us. Everyone was ready to drop everything to help us while we are about to embellish in our next step of this journey. "I can drive you", "Can I do chores" "tell Garth I am here", "what can I do" "you will be ok" were emails of support and offerings of help. I always knew that Garth and I had some amazing people in our lives and this certainly comes true when there is a crisis. The best part of June 16th is the laughter that was brought into the house again. Friends that popped in made me laughed...really hard and boy it felt goooooood. As corny as the jokes were, the doom lifted quickly as I prepared mentally for what was ahead of us.


To everyone THANK YOU. Jenny, the dinner was delicious, the strawberry pie was heavenly. I have been eating both of these when Garth is not looking so I can eat every delicious morsel myself (just kidding). We have the most wonderful support system in the world. The phone calls, the emails, the general prayers.

I am prepared for this fight. I have even came up with my own Cancer song to help me through this part of my life: Remember Cookie monster singing C is for Cookie??? Well here is my song:

"C" is for cancer let's get it out of me,
"C" is for cancer let's get it out of me,
"C" is for cancer let's get it out of me,
Oh! cancer, cancer, cancer starts with "C"! I even have his voice down packed.

More than ever I will only think positive thoughts...only positive thoughts will be allowed in our home. I will surround myself with the love of family and friends who we appreciate so much. I guess we are alright since we have an abundance to people who care for us so much.